I puked a lego.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
