so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize