dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize