Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
