I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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