I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
