I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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