There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
thus making me awesome and them whores
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
