i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
