not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize