I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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