yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
