I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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