we're chasing vodka with high fives
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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