I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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