Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could fuck to npr.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
