you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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