No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
