I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
