So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
