I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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