so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
