You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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