Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Someone signed my nipple.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
