yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
