Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
