I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
