I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize