I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
