it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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