I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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