Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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