question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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