so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
