the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
foreskin is a definite game changer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
