So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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