i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
