a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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