took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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