i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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