He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
