so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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