He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
