That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
