where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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