Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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