absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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