I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A bitchslap is in order.
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