Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
