thus making me awesome and them whores
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
