YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
