would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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