I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
