just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
