She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
