if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
