Your mouth is God's brothel.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
