how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
