how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
