either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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