Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
