the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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