'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
