How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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