Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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