he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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