I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
