friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize