Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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