I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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